Goodnight, my little ones
by A lost lily
Summary: On the anniversary of a painful loss Lucius Malfoy contemplates his life and his family's future. Oneshot...possibly more if I feel inspired.


Lucius wasn't sure what woke him. One moment he had been sound asleep, sleeping with his wife of over two decades curled up in his warm embrace, and the next he was panting, waking suddenly and unable to figure out just what it was that had woken him. And then it hit him. The date hit him like a punch in the stomach, a cruel reminder of one of the biggest obstacles that he and Narcissa had faced over all their years of marriage. It was December 6th, the 17 year anniversary to the day of when they lost their daughter, their precious, longed for Sidone.

Running a hand through his long hair, he sank back against the cool sheets, drawing them instinctively higher around his wife. He had never woken up like this before, just because of the date. Each year he woke up on this day as on any other, then faced the horrid reality of the anniversary. Never had fear and worry claimed him like this before.

He wrapped an arm around Narcissa's waist, remembering with a small sad smile what made this year different from the others. They were expecting again, twins this time. His long fingers caressed her rounding belly, as though that soothing act of touching her could keep the children they both needed inside of her until they were ready. One of the babies stirred beneath his touch, and Narcissa shifted in her sleep, turning him.

"Luc…" she questioned sleepily, and he could tell she was more asleep than awake. He smiled, marveling at his protective wife. Were it not for the added strain that the babies had put on her body, she likely would have woken when Lucius was soundlessly startled from his restful sleep. She didn't require a scream or whimper to wake under normal circumstances, they were just that close. They could sense when the other was distressed or even just uncomfortable. But she needed her rest now. Lucius was adamant about that now.

"Shhh…" Though one hand stayed on her stomach, rubbing gently circles that he hoped calmed the children within her, the other moved to brush a few stray strands of hair from her face. "Shhh….hush now, my darling…" His voice was the softest of whispers in her ears, barely even audible except he knew that SHE always understood him. "Shhhh…" He listened, smiling as her breath finally fell into the deep, rhythmic patterns that signified her decent into dreams once more.

The truth about it was that he was more protective now than ever. Even when they had been expecting Draco all those years ago and he had carried her everywhere out of fear that she would fall or overexert herself or even just feel a moment's discomfort he hadn't been as protective as he was now. That had been _over-_protective, he realized now. She had felt too coddled, like a china doll, and they had argued, which, he realized, only upset her, which was not at all what he had intended to do.

When they learned only a few years later, when Draco was an adorable toddler into everything and becoming more and more like his father by the day, Lucius decided that he could relax a bit. He didn't interrogate Narcissa every moment to make sure that she was eating properly, didn't call the midwife at every sniffle or sneeze, didn't even try to carry her unless she had fallen asleep on the couch and needed to be taken upstairs to their room. When Narcissa felt the pains, and they knew that something was wrong, Lucius blamed himself. The entire time that Madame Gray, their midwife, was assisting Narcissa, healing what physical damage she could, Lucius had been cursing himself, berating himself for letting their long awaited daughter die in a stillbirth. He kept thinking that if he had only spoiled Narcissa a little more, had just made sure that she was eating properly, had simply done this or that or the other that they would be celebrating the birth of their daughter in April instead of mourning her loss. It didn't matter that Madame Gray had assured them that the fault didn't rest with them, that Draco's difficult birth had caused them to lose their little girl, that didn't matter at all. He blamed himself and that was that.

Madame Gray assured him that Narcissa would live, that she would be alright, but the pale, distraught shell of his wife that he met sitting numbly in bed made him doubt that she'd ever be alright again. That night tested them to their limits, and, ultimately pushed them closer together. It was purely through the force of their love that he eventually quit blaming himself so much for Sidone's death, and it was through their love that Narcissa eventually recovered. He made her a promise on that dark night, one which he had no power to fulfill, but he was a Malfoy and not used to accepting that some things were out of his control. He promised her that one day they would have another child, not to replace Sidone, never to replace their precious daughter, but to give them another child to love. They had so much love to give and it was cruel that they only had one child to bestow it on.

The years passed and though Lucius never forgot the promise that he made to his wife, it got pushed to the back of his mind. He focused on things that he could do to help his family, to add to their wealth, to make a place in the world for their growing son. Draco grew spoiled with the undivided attention of his parents, yet neither of them could force themselves not to give into his every whim. They loved him too much to not want to give him everything he asked for. Then, as the spoiled child Draco grew into a more mature young man, one who was once more growing more and more like his father by the day, a miracle happened. They found out that Narcissa was expecting once more.

Now Lucius was learning balance. Though he wanted to do everything for Narcissa, to carry her everywhere again, he forced himself to let her walk. He compromised and comforted and was learning day by day the right way to keep his family as safe as he could. Though he still worried as Narcissa passed each milestone of pregnancy, and would most likely worry until his two perfectly healthy children were laid into his arms, he was enjoying this pregnancy like never before. Each small detail, from the formation of tiny fingernails to the flutters of movement to two tiny beating hearts, fascinated him. He found himself consulting the books in their library each week religiously to find out what was new with their two unborn babies that week, an act which had never seemed so important until now.

However, balance told him that now he should be sleeping. There would be time to mourn Sidone in the morning, to think on things. Cissa would need him in the morning, need him to help her make it through this most painful of painful days as she had needed him that dark night seventeen years ago, and he would rather die than let her down.

"Goodnight, my darling…" he kissed her forehead, fingers caressing her face for just a moment as she let out a soft contented sigh.

"Goodnight, my little ones…" Lucius leaned down to gently kiss her stomach, strong hands framing either side of it, caressing the rounding belly lovingly before he laid down. He took her into his arms once more, and finally her warm, familiar weight lulled him to sleep once more.


End file.
